


It is Easier to Run if the World Thinks You Stayed Behind

by strawberryproblems



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Implied/Referenced Torture, Light Angst, Twin AU, but better safe than sorry, implied/referenced forced drugging, its up to interpretation if it is from physical or mental trauma, nathaniel is mute, neil is telling the story of his brother, secret brother au, the tags make this seem a lot darker than it is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-26
Updated: 2018-06-26
Packaged: 2019-05-29 04:25:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15065108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/strawberryproblems/pseuds/strawberryproblems
Summary: Neil is talking to Andrew, telling him his story of his secret twin brother, and how he was left behind.if you read the books than you probably will be okay because most of it is referenced pretty lightly, like as if Neil doesn't think twice about it, except one scene.This is basically a Neil monologue, I formatted it similar to the format of a long poem w/o rhyme.





	It is Easier to Run if the World Thinks You Stayed Behind

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first ever fic, and i was my own beta, which is hard for me because im dyslexic and digraphic so hopefully its all good. have any questions about the tags? just wanna talk? hit me up on my Aftg blog: https://i-did.tumblr.com/

You know… there was actually two of us.

I'm not saying I lied when I told you my middle name was Abram, and then later when I told you my first was Nathaniel.

I just didn't tell you that I shared both of these names with another.

 

We looked the same, like you and Aaron, so he didn't care who was who, we were never addressed as individuals anyways. 

 

The public was told that there was only one, and his name was Nathaniel Abram Wesninski, which later I found out was so that he could sell one, and keep the other as an apprentice. 

 

Then, the day the cops came, and we chose randomly who would hide and who would get to play house. 

 

I don't even remember who hid,

I do remember, that it was the day I got the hot-iron burn.

 

After they finished inspecting the house, and the door slammed, my brother flinched, your not supposed to do that.

But he didn't care who was who, 

So... he grabbed the hot iron, and pressed it to my shoulder. 

 

I remember my brother gagging on the smell as he reached out and touched my fathers pant-leg, asking him to let me go, 

That it was his fault,

( _ Please... _ )

And so he grabbed my brother by his hair and slammed his head into the wall, hard.

 

My brother never flinched again after that day,

He never spoke either.

But it was like as if the words bubbled up inside me, and I became twice as loud.

 

So, that was how he chose who to sell, 

An apprentice who wouldn't flinch, 

And a raven who would learn not to… if I made it.

 

She didn't like my brother as much after the incident, she thought he was off. Looked too dead in the eyes, too gone, too... blank.

 

So, she only ran with me, I was the only one being sold anyways. 

 

No one knew there was two of us, no one but the main family and my father's men.

 

It was easier to run if the world thinks you stayed behind. 

 

So, she ran with me, the day him and I were separated was the day we got our own names.

He became Nathaniel, the Butcher's Son,

And I became Abram, the traitors cargo.

 

I used to ask why we couldn't go back for him.

 

At first, she would just shush me and wipe my tears.

But one time, when we were both hurt badly for the first time, and I was crying, begging for him, and she was stressed, 

So... she back-handed me, and I tasted blood.

It was the first time she had hit me, and the last time I asked about him.

 

Soon, I started to assume I made him up, just a vivid hallucination to escape, so I wasn't so alone.

I was never really creative, figures he would look just like me.

And, it's not like we had separate rooms or anything. 

We shared a bed, clothes, and a birth certificate, everything.

 

Then her and I were on a beach, 

She was sitting next to me, 

Choking on blood in the back of her throat as she died from infection from the internal bleeding, sitting in a car that was waiting to be burned. 

That's when she made me promise, all of which I broke, as you know.

 

Then baltimore happened.

And Lola was talking about a family reunion, with the three of us…

And he was real.

 

She was sitting in my lap, saying how after a few pills shoved down his throat, my brother was always happy enough to see her.

She wondered out loud if I would cry silently like he did the first time, or if I would scream like she always wanted him to. 

But he was always the quiet one, it was me who was loud.

 

Then the burns started, she said it was so we wouldn't look alike, so they knew which one to torture. I think she just wanted to ruin our face and keep it too, like that one saying.

 

He was there, well… more like he was real. He walked slowly, and his face was just as blank as it was when it hit the wall all those years ago. 

 

I never got to find out if he hated me. 

If he would ever forgive me.

 

He held me down and did his part without emotion, I know it was better me than him, and that it was what he had been trained to do for the last 8 years, nothing personal.

 

I tried to be like him, silent, you know?

But I was never good at that, 

And, as always I screamed twice as loud, and flinched twice as hard, to make up for all the times he couldn't. 

 

Then the raid came, and everyone was shot but me.

 

I watched him die, 

It was the first time I had seen an emotion on him since, and all he showed, was relief in the form of a small, sad, smile.

 

I still don't know how I feel about that, 

I still am not completely sure he's real… or was anyway. 

 

But I do know, I want to keep his name. The name I chose after she died because I knew my time was soon after, so might as well pay homage to the brother who might have existed.

 

I erased Nathan from him, the letters that marked him as the butcher's son and nothing more, he didn't deserve that, any of it.

 

I don't think he would mind,

We always shared everything anyways, 

Even names.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading! :) hope that wasn't too bad? i don't think this counts as angst but idk.


End file.
